NEW XANGA-

http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=polos_are_hot_sexX

subscribe and i will love you forever.

Currently Playing Don't Cha [10" Single] By Pussy Cat Dolls see related

Havent updated in forever..

I'm commenting everyone back right now, if I miss you you have permission to yell at me.

I love you people who leave me nice comments. I swear you guys are going to heaven.

so I'm feeling like life has basically screwed me over right now. I hate love. I hate guys. I hate being fat. I hate insecurities. and I am really coming close to turning towards self injury again to fix my problems. gahh..

But I only have like 10 more days of school left!  summer '05 is going to be hot sex.

I really want to see house of wax. did anyone like it? I hear Paris gets a spear shoved through her skull which sounds pretty cool.

Johnny Depp..my soulmate, of course.

Too bad he's married and has kids.. but hey, I like kids.

http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=juicybabexo 

^ she stole pics from http://community.webshots.com/user/sessymanda-date

and she wont shut her site down although she has been proved fake.

http://www.xanga.com/item.aspx?user=CheezFriez408&tab=weblogs&uid=270138171

both FAKES. leave them hate

comments, please.

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So.. apparently I have a Jocker.

http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=Lamp_Shade22

I find it incrediblly funny that someone would go through so much time to make a xanga copying mine just to make me angry. And they say I have no life? how ironic.

Today was pretty boring. A few of my friends told me I lost a ton of weight which is weird since I've been eating healthily now. I'm going to exercise ALOT and eat healthy and hopefully I'll get back to 105. I have to be fit for lacrosse, polo, and tennis this summer. Yay!

I don't really have anything interesting to write about today. So I'll just post some clothes I plan on buying.

I don't know what dress to wear to graduation..HELP ME PICK ONE OUT!

so it's between those two. I really like the top one but it may be a little too slutty for graduation haha ...

More later

EDIT: so what's with

hautecouture_xx's stupid

 little

friends harrassing me &

seirra?

Don't you girls have LIVES to attend to? It just pisses me off. You jock and then you lie and say you're "OH SO ORIGINAL!" and then you leave us tons of rude comments.

AND on top of it all you say I'm "promoting cutting".

yeah.

Actually READ my stuff before you attempt to insult me.

Thank you.

P.S. Me and Sierra kicked your sorry asses anyway.  psshh.

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Happy Friday!!!

"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved."-Helen Keller

So it's friday night and I am sitting at home reading my mom's Vanity Fair because I have no life.

I did come across a very interesting story though.

^ That's Petra Nemcova.

Her and her boyfriend were in their bungalow in Thailand when the Tsunami hit.  The wave hit Petra full force and broke her pelvis so all she could do was cling to a palm tree, watching her boyfriend float away, screaming her name. Petra had to cling to the palm tree for eight hours before she was finally rescued and she hoped that her boyfriend had survived.. but later his body was found.

I found two very inspiring quotes from her.

"Tradgedy gives us the oppurtunity to put meaning into our lives. It changes our values, gives us the oppurtunity to think where we want to go. I lost the person closest to me, but I got a second chance to live. I feel like I'm living for both of us now. I feel not just a resposibility to do it as he would have, but also to help other people. I just feel I can do more. I get a chance to do something better than I did. I believe what you give you get back..."

"You have to live fully, appreciate every minute -appreciate what you have, because you never know when it will go away. It can go any second. It's a very simple message of love."

-Petra Nemcova.

It really amazes me that people can go on with their life after losing someone that means the world to them. I worry about losing people close to me every single day.. but I guess that's just life.

©©©

EDIT:

So, I just saw one of the saddest things ever.. girls giving other girls who have never cut in their lives, tips for cutting.. like telling them how to START. No offense but are you guys idiots? I see alot of girls promoting anorexia which is horrible but cutting is life threatening and I have no idea how some of you girls can be so selfish as to tell people how to hurt themselves.

http://www.xanga.com/item.aspx?user=juicybabexo&tab=weblogs&uid=256727242

Life is so damn screwed up.

so everything has been going alright lately. I was eating better.. not purging etc. But lately whenever I look in the mirror it's like I don't even see ME anymore.. I just see this ugly person whom I will never like, never get along with and who is far from perfect.

Also, I am almost out of therapy. I haven't cut for about 4 months.

But today I got in a fight with one of my closest guy friends.

Him: im disaapearing again for a wile
Him: bye. for a long time.

And then he signed off.

It's like everything I do or say is wrong. I am so close to cutting again it's insane..

Depression is so weird. It's like this thing that stays around you for awhile.. and then it leaves. But you're always scared it's going to come back.

when will it finally go away for good?

Hope you all are having a good week.

thats me. (on the right.) standing on a rock so I look tall.

Fat whore.

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